today I finally reach the age of 30. ten years ago, my naive and underdeveloped brain thought that I am gonna achieve greatness, that I am the main character, the chosen one. what a memory that is. I know that me. right now is just an NPC or extras or whatever somebody with no insignificance is called. I live a mediocre life and now I am not even sure if I still have ambition anymore. I wake up every day knowing that my day is gonna be mundane. and I didn't know when was the last time I felt excited. TLDR. Me and my life are boring. I am just a programmer with the bare minimum skill. I am gloomy and cowardly, hate working hard, and even though I know I should fight. in the end, I am just running away. and the sad part, I am okay with that. sigh. even I understand that my life is not *that* miserable. but my head keeps telling me that I am not worth it. I keep kicking grass in frustration. why am I like this. I wish I can accept this, I wish I have acceptance in my life. but my he
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