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acceptance aka ac·cept·ance

  today I finally reach the age of 30. ten years ago, my naive and underdeveloped brain thought that I am gonna achieve greatness, that I am the main character, the chosen one. what a memory that is. I know that me. right now is just an NPC or extras or whatever somebody with no insignificance is called. I live a mediocre life and now I am not even sure if I still have ambition anymore. I wake up every day knowing that my day is gonna be mundane. and I didn't know when was the last time I felt excited. TLDR. Me and my life are boring. I am just a programmer with the bare minimum skill. I am gloomy and cowardly, hate working hard, and even though I know I should fight. in the end, I am just running away. and the sad part, I am okay with that. sigh. even I understand that my life is not *that* miserable. but my head keeps telling me that I am not worth it. I keep kicking grass in frustration. why am I like this. I wish I can accept this, I wish I have acceptance in my life. but my he
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fi·nal·i·ty

Everything will end, not only my life but also this Earth, this galaxy, and perhaps even this universe. Everything will become a dark and silent void. The path towards that inevitable end is still distant, yet eerily close. Once my life is over, I will be oblivious to anything else, reduced to a lifeless body destined to decompose and vanish, leaving no trace behind. I often find myself wondering why I exist in the first place. I understand the 'how' of my existence but remain oblivious to the 'why.' Perhaps I am not significant enough to warrant a purpose. I am merely a product of countless random chances, fortunate enough to possess the capacity for thought. If I had never existed, nothing would have changed, and the world would be no different. That's the extent of my insignificance. Fear has always gripped me—fear of eternal nothingness, fear of silence. Even if I were granted a chance to have a purpose, I question whether I would possess the strength to pursue
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