My Life

I feel like this life is sucked balls. In my childhood, I didn't have much. We live in a small cottage inside the Elementary school complex because my dad is the guardian for the place. I don't have many toys and often always play in a friend's house because I am so awed by what they have.

When the young adult me comes, I work in Jakarta for like six years. and still, feel like I didn't earn anything. I have invested very poorly in a house that too far from anywhere. and I sold it with a loss when the business I work with went under. after 6 years of working, I didn't even have life savings.

And then, I work in Bandung, everything seems totally fine. until some dipshit of a person ruins my life. betrayed me and cost me not only financially but also mentally. I have tremendous debt and to make it worse, my dad is sick and needs to be operated quickly. Somehow I got through it. my dad is okay now.

But right now. I feel like I have very little control over my life. I am now living in a workplace that is oftentimes changed by my boss. and everything, my tools, my equipment, my experimental, everything will put in the box tomorrow, and it's hard to find it when I need it. it's not like it's my boss's fault. this house is his property anyway. it's just, I really want my own place that if it changing, it's my decision. and I have no resources or money to afford my own place right now. also, they often came in the middle of the night, and often my boss and his team have a sleepover for a week or less. and it exhausting for me as an introvert. I know it's not their fault. I am just so frustrated at my age I didn't even have a place I call my own.

And now with the problem with my dad and mom. I know I am their son, but almost all my paycheck goes to them. they need it, I know. but oftentimes they call me and ask for money like 10% to 50% of my paycheck. every month I shop for their groceries and I even gave them pocket money. but it's still not enough. Me, growing up with not much and now living with dependence. I do not even have a wife or children yet and I feel like I am providing for everybody but myself.

As a young adult man, I always cried myself to sleep. I even crying while typing this. I am so frustrated. very very frustrated with my life.